Living in Gainsborough
Written by Anonymous Visitor and posted in Lincolnshire

Gainsborough is quite a pleasant place to live… if you live in the correct part that is. For example, if you live in the uphill of Gainsborough where Whites Wood Lane is, you’re likely to keep your windows intact. However if you live in a different part your windows may not survive.

Gainsborough is home to various shops that nobody really goes into. For example: Laura Ashley, a shop that sells beautifully overpriced clothing and furniture that no true Gainsboronian can really afford. What Gainsborough really wants is a Primark. A shop which allows them to dress inhabitants to dress in their traditional clothing, without the need to travel to their more expensive sister Lincoln. Gainsborough was only recently gifted a McDonald’s in 2012 and a KFC in 2014, this has allowed all the chavs in the town to gather and sit in these places and terrorise not only the workers, but the other customers who only went in for a quiet meal. Also when challenged these chavs become very defensive and play the “teenager discrimination” card, when really they are just causing a disturbance.

Gainsborough has just two secondary schools; yes two! They have the snobby Grammar school which allows any student in who spent the first 11 years of their lives completing every puzzle in the Daily Mail in order to pass this stupid test that determines whether you are “smart” enough to go there. Other ways of gaining a place in the school are to be extremely wealthy and you can pay the school to go there or hire a tutor. The other school is located directly next to the ever so fragrant chicken factory. The building has state of the art facilities that are soon destroyed by its students since they are only ever taught how to vandalise property. They recently ranked as one of the worst performing schools in the country which is no surprise since the school has had 7 headmasters since the school was opened in 2009.

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Gainsborough is very close to other major cities like Doncaster Lincoln and Hull. This makes it very easy for the average Gainsboronian to flee the town in search for better things… if you have a car! Gainsborough has possibly got the worlds worst transport. With a bus running every hour up until 6pm to Lincoln, 5 buses a day to Doncaster, and a three hour train journey to Hull. So if you plan on ever leaving the town, make sure you have a car with you and don’t even think about leaving without a car after 6pm, because you can’t!

So when you next come to Gainsborough, make sure you bring your own vehicle and lots of money to spend in our fabulously over priced shops we never go into, because you’re the reason they’re still open!