Ah Fishguard and Goodwick, the picturesque coastal area to which tourists visit in their thousands every summer. Local businesses thriving and the nightlife of a major city, don’t believe everything you read in the papers folks. The pride of Pembrokeshire Fishguard and Goodwick is certainly not. Let’s get started with lovely old Fishguard.
The town square is absolutely alive… with chavs in their droves swarming to the three available benches, texting their ‘crews’ to come and vandalise the sorry looking phonebox. Endless depictions of penises lay covered upon anything that will hold a luminous blue spray paint. These chavs hang around like pigeons, never alone but always someone to annoy. They are heavily clad in clothing from the Sports Direct clearance corner, with Nike trainers that they don’t even bother to lace up, and to finish off, their tracksuits hang so far down their arses, they rub the back of their knees, therefor exposing their Lidl own brand boxer shorts. The female members of the group hang around street corners, scantily clad in skirts so short, they might as well be belts, showing off fat arses and muffin tops. heir heads so mis-proportionate to their bodies that they look like a bunch of raisins, probably due to countless generations of passionate incest.
As their crew go by, you can almost smell the fragrant aroma of weed, cheap alcohol and benefits. Fishguard does not have many pubs, apart from one which is mainly for people over 95 years old, and the other with the nickname ‘the shambles’. Fisguard’s countless dog s**t covered pavements, council estates littered with the members of singlemothers.com, and the rest are jobless pricks whom sponge off the back of the hard working folk. Its children’s playgrounds and parks are littered with strewn condoms, used needles and paracetamol packaging.
Goodwick is a completely different story, as it completely defies logic, as it contains more chavs and slags than is imaginable by any fairly imaginative human being. Goodwick also houses the notorious area of stop and call, which houses dole seekers who feel the need to go out and walk the streets, staring through the windows of houses, on the hunt for a source of income. In this area, if a penny is found on the floor, a street party is held, and all the cock hungry, purple haired single mothers come out to celebrate the funding of the birth of their 31st child. Stop and calls bus stop has been the hot spot for teenage sex and the underage pregnancy has boomed.
All in all, putting aside the HIV, drugs, chavs and pregnant 14 year olds, you should be up for the holiday of a lifetime.