Written by Anonymous Visitor and posted in South East, United Kingdom, West Sussex

Crawley is an outcrop of the Surrey Chavtowns inserted unceremoniously up the backside of West Sussex. A “new town” (ie London dross dump), the highest concentration of chav abodes are in Broadfield and Bewbush, marked by the ancient fag-burned, urine (and god knows what else) stained sofas and leatherette armchairs (not to mention rusty clapped out washing machines) littering the front gardens (long since devoid of grass and now used by the canine inhabitant, probably called Tyson, and possibly by the resident Kev or Trace as a latrine). The hard-faced muvvas (hair pulled back into an over-gelled pony-tail) prance up the road, fag in mouff, pushing little Tyrone or Chantelle in their buggies up to get the giro, swearing every time their little charges (who at most are only 15 years younger than themselves) dare to open their mouths. Sometimes they have one of each colour! Bless!
Of an evening it’s off to Ikon Diva or Brannigans, to line the pockets of the local drug dealers and for Kev and Trace to indulge in the local mating ritual – “Jew wanna?” “Yeah,lets fuhk.” Before heading off to the alleys (or just the bonnets of the cars in the car park) to pursue the magic of procreation. If Trace is being particularly careful she’ll pull out of her handbag a mega-pack of condoms and select one for Kev (which she’ll apply orally) and leave dangling (after) from an appropriate vantage point (the car aerial?) for all to witness their 5 seconds of passion. Trace will be sporting her loveliest kit – usually with skin tight top and three-quarter skin tight trouser bottoms, not meeting at the mid-riff so that the tasteful belly-button piercing (you know, the one that matches the nose-stud) is visible between the rolls of McDonalds enhanced fat wobbling over her waistband. Kevs, the slack-jawed, vacant-eyed knuckle-draggers will have tanked up for the evening and be ready to impress Trace will their bravado – shouting “Wachoo lookin at?” at anything on two legs which their drug/alcohol addled sight perceives as a threatening male, just itching to steal their chosen Trace away from them.
Their chosen shopping venue is County Mall – chav-central on a Saturday, where scared shoppers from the more genteel outlying areas of that part of Sussex scurry past the mobile-wielding, Burberry-enclosed chavs and chavettes on their way to the relative safety of Debenhams. The food hall is particularly chav-infested, with eagle-eyed Kevs trying to impress their Trace-of-the-moment with the fact that they can see superman painted in the sky-scene adorning the ceiling (yes, it’s true) while they linger over their burgers and cokes before hunting out the dealers at the bus station.
An adventurous chav or chavette will venture up the chav-corridor (A23) to “Rediw” (Redhill, chavs being congenitally unable to pronounce a solitary H in the middle of a word or a double-L), the nearest similarly infested chav-town for a night out, and of course beating up the local chavs who have the bad taste to live in Rediw rather than Crawley. They will then return to Crawley for a spot of TWOC’ing or to drive their customized vehicles (complete with blue-light under the car and/or lights on the caps of the air-valves on their wheels) around the town. Then it’s off to get their latest fix from the car park by the cinema. God Crawley really is the butt-end of Sussex. I HATE IT!


  • nonchav

    Crawley = dumping ground for benefits grabbers, immigrants and young underage tarts pushing Crawley accessories (babies) around (babies are used as a form of income here cos they’re not bright enough to get a job, or the job has gone because some immigrant is in there) and the blokes??!!……All candidates for appearing on the Jeremy Kyle show!!

  • dirtykez

    theres some sad f**kin people on here, all jealous of people liven the way u wish u could; answerable to only ur self not liven by every poxy rule ever set by sum bullied moron hidin behind a desk.
    im crawley born and bred i love it and id like to have 1 of u dimlows stand infront of me and slate my home town, the anomosity of the internet gets all u ball-less mugs crawlin out from under ur rocks.

    wen it comes down to it if u dont like crawley dont come here, we dont f**kin want u anyway!

  • hmmmmm

    ok……i lived in crawley for 20years i moved out to be with my girlfreind for a start yes its true crawley does have it problems just like any other place in this country and yes it mostley down to chavs but not only chavsi see none of u have mentioned langley green either otherwise know as langladesh they are also apart of the problem aswell so it aint all down to chavs i aint saying i like the fu**ers nor am i sticking up for them as i still have strong links with crawley im still proud i come from there to this day its my home and i love it…..and dont like it when i see it getting all this stick crawley still has nice people living there dammit we aint all knobheads so pls dont slate the town or the good people of crawley who are not chavs!!

  • Helghast

    100% agree with you,i work for C.B.C. and i see the dregs of Crawley everyday moaning about not being given this and wanting that,the majority of staff here hate these scum but are fighting a losing battle against a tsunami of political correctness and f*****g do gooder social workers and associated ex hippy w**kers,who we have placed in positions of authourity within local government,who think that 14 year old Beyonce is vulnerable,so we will give her a flat or a house and that will solve all ills…..yeah right,in fact it just encourages the slags to breed more kids,so as to get more free money from you and i.Roll on the Revoloution.

  • ShAz_NiE

    Crawley iz hevi!!! ive never seen any "kev and tracy" incidents so shut urmouth!!

  • Domjoly

    Wow, you must live in Horsham! Stuck up cu*t