Living in Brandon, County Durham
Written by Anonymous Visitor and posted in Durham, North East

Charvers, charvers everywhere and not a normal person in sight. This is Brandon, the land of Chav.  The local youth club is one of the top hangouts for charvers, as well as the “Termo” bus stop along the street. White Lightning and alcopop bottles fill the bus stop, as well as the ever-increasing pizza boxes.

There is also a criminal side to them: slashing tyres, bonfires in the woods, damaging cars but offer one out and they wet themselves as a small child would.

As soon as a Chav comes up to you, expect them to ask you if you would “gan to the shop for us and get us 10 players supakings and some White Lightning or expect to also hear “can you lennus 20p like mate?” Because they never got a GCSE between them so can’t work out how to get a job.

If you do any of these, you are a idiot  and they will never leave you alone again!

Billie Jo’s pizza shop is the top hangout – chav headquarters. And to eat if you want food poisoning. If you’re not stealing in Bob’s corner shop you’re on the sesh down Brandon park trying to nonce kids or in the local woods, knocking back the vodka till you pass out and the police come and you poo you’re pants like a little girl and run home to you’re mammy.

No one is safe. These smelly little chavs come out from nowhere . Go to Brandon allotments if you fancy chaining a horse up, or if you fancy committing arson burn down the basket at Brandon park for the 8th time. It will probably get rebuilt so you can burn it down for the 9th time. And definitely do not park in the CO-OP if you like your wheel trims.

If you see a poor, innocent small child roaming the streets at Brandon alone at stupid o clock, do not approach – you’ll get called a nonce. Just phone the 5/0

In conclusion, Brandon is a very safe place to live and I highly recommend moving here. Especially if you’ve got no GCSE, a single mother that keeps popping for benefits or simply like hang out around corner shops for a living.