Living in Birkenhead
Written by Anonymous Visitor and posted in Merseyside, North West, United Kingdom

Birkenhead is a town full of scallies. scallies which in my case are lower than any breed of chav, but these scallies are merging into chavs which could make birkenhead a very dangerous place for any non-tracksuit wearing person to enter.

How to spot a girl scally/chav in Birkenhead

  1. She will be the brightest shade of orange, this is a popular trend in Liverpool and birkenhead for chavettes. They love showing off their ‘tan’ which is either a cheap false tan from savers or from as-many-as-you-can-get minutes during the happy hour in the local sun beds. (may i add in birkenhead and Liverpool i challenge you to walk 20 metres without coming across a sun bed salon).
  2. They’ll be wearing lots of ‘bling’, usually which is bought from a place called ‘assesorize palace’ which is located in birkenhead town centre. here you can buy anything from massive diamonte-studded crosses to knuckle dusters once again emblazoned with diamontes all from just £1, which goes to show why its such a growing trend, needless to say i’ve still seen groups of chavettes shoving rings and necklaces into their pockets.
  3. They’ll be wearing all the latest ‘fashion’ from birkenhead market. All these girls are sheep, they follow eachothers trends and nobody is different. You may also see them sporting a Lacoste tracksuit.
  4. They have poker-straight beach blond or dark hair.
  5. They NEVER leave the house without re-applying their black eyeliner AT LEAST 7 times, and then their boyfriends have the cheek to shout at goths ‘oi lad! wot de f**k is dat al unda ya eyes ya mad nobeaddd’.
  6. They will usually be pushing a pram or sporting a huge bump. Birkenhead has the highest teen-pregnancy rate in England. On the chav riddled estate where i unfortunately have to live, i’ve lost count how many pregnant girls i’ve seen or heard about in the past year. One of the youngest was about 11/12 and was pregnant by a 29 yr old, and in my street alone there are 3 girls pregnant.
  7. They will be with their chav/scally boyfriends, see below.

How to spot a boy scally/chav in Birkenhead

  1. He will be driving round ‘buzzin’ off his ‘boss’ new car whilst stopping every couple of feet to ‘check out’ some ‘fit birds’. These girls can range from any age between 10-24, as long as they’re an easy shag (which is about 48 in every 50 girls in Birkenhead). The chavs car will have the latest dance music blaring out, mostly it will be a tape of the ‘pleasurerooms’ recorded off the radio. All windows in the car will be wound down and they will usually have a watergun or bb gun with them to shoot any moshers they pass by. (i have been soaked 4 times and hit by a bb gun bullet twice) Also, these cars are mostly robbed. that stereotype of scousers being robbers is definitely true.
  2. He will DEFINITELY be wearing a Lacoste tracksuit. Any boy that sets foot in Birkenhead without a Lacoste tracksuit on will be branded a ‘ponce’. Oh to be different. The boys in Birkenhead have taken a favour particularly to the bright-blue lacoste tracksuits, so you can imagine how funny it is to witness a group full of smurfs running round bladdered on a friday night thinking they look great in their ‘beast of a trackyyy’, even 40-year old transvestites wear them.
  3. He will have a skinhead, once again every lad in birkenhead or liverpool without a skinhead, is not ‘one of them’ (as if you’d want to be!).
  4. They will stink of Carling and weed. I don’t actually know how come the chavs and scallies round here have not been busted by newspapers and police. Every friday night i have to take a walk through a subway to get to my house, both sexes are seen urinating in gardens and smashing windows, cars and garden furniture and setting bins and anything they can get their hands on on fire, as i walk through the subway the girls and boys are all standing making lots of noise and taking drugs. The chavs here are between the ages of 11-20 and ive seen them sniffing cocaine, smoking pot, taking ecstasy and a couple of weeks ago when i walked through 2 boys, must of been about 17 were injecting heroin, whilst soliciting for potential punters. this just shows how bad situations are round here when screaming youths taking drugs in the middle of a neighbourhood aren’t being taken care of by police. nobody is reporting them because the rest of the neighbourhood are doing the same, taking drugs and having wild parties, just inside their houses.
  5. They will have some sort of cuts/bruises to their body. this has usually come from a fight with another chav. I have seen 1 poor lad get bottled just for walking past a group of chavs.

Birkenhead is the lowest of the low.

Birkenhead MP Frank Field has said Britain should enforce a law which makes yob-famalies live in metal boxed-houses, and he has said his constituency of Birkenhead could be used to house these people, this just goes to show that even their own MP thinks they are all nobodys and tramps if he is willing to stick more yob families together…or maybe its just because most of the metal houses would be filled with birkenhead people, so they don’t have to travel very far to see their families or other chav friends.

A couple of months ago, a bus carrying disabled children was travelling through the ford estate when it was hit by a brick, glass was shattered everywhere but fortunately nobody was hurt. this just goes to show how sick the children round here are. It is disturbing.

So if you ever feel the need to come to birkenhead…enter at your own risk, you have been warned.