Living in Bedford, Bedfordshire
Written by Anonymous Visitor and posted in Bedfordshire, East Anglia

Bedford was billed to be the Garden of Eden. Where the second coming was going to happen, the only coming was the the Chav Invasion of the London Pygmies, from the Luton and London overspill. These Scabs/Chavs are the problem, they bring their culture with them. Some have the look that could turn Milk Sour at 5.0 yards, which could mean they have bad tastes and the style of a Super Chav, you see them in the town centre with their arses hanging out, revealing something out of Mr Blobby would envy. They try to speak with a fake wannabe Bedford accent. It’s a dead give away. Bedford is now full of drug dealers, gangs, Big Brother fans, Jeremy Kyle fans and the home of a spate of horrific murders.

Midland Road is the most dangerous place, especially at night and weekends. Queens Park doesn’t fair either, due to fights between territory gangs, which is separated by the river Ouse. its fair to say that the Battle of Kursk would look like Teddy Bears Picnic compared to the troubles, which I trying to say here. As a Movie idea, would be logical to film in Cardington Hangers, There should be a latest sequel the Snake Pliskin Trilogy (Escape from Queens Park).

Things started to slide when back in the 80s, there was a few Amusement arcades down Midland Road. The more notorious one was called Vegas Amusements, There was gangs taxing teenagers back then, (robbing them in the street) these gangs were probably feeding their gambling habits or drug habits. In these places you get the Street Hustlers, the ones who hang around the Bookies, these characters look like your local Spivs. They are easy to spot. They have a set of beady eyes and the lust for money to please their shark like smiles, an another feature they have their hair combed back, to have that gangster look. They have more licka in their hair, as a Greek Kebab shop and have a pencil type moustache. These rare breeds are very sneaky. They would make Osama Bin Laden and Hitler, would look very lame in comparison. They are up to every trick in book to swindle and con you and then rob you. So rule of thumb, Number One, “Hide your money in your socks”.

After The River Festival which is every Two Years. When everything is closing down at night after the fireworks display. You get a lot of Piss-Artists coming out of the crappy clubs. (Where violence could happen at any moment), hanging around street corners causing trouble around the River area and pissing and being sick on the pathway in the Castle area. Theres always a element of danger in Bedford, especially at night and in the weekend.

The local council are a bunch of Ruperts, over charging shop owners for the lease of council property in the town centre, no wonder there is so many empty shops, some small businesses can’t afford to own shops in Bedford. Even the ghosts of Bedford Past have repossessed these empty shops and called it home.

In the Tavistock area you have your local high-level junkie Hookers, The most common drug they use is crack and they end up as Zelda from Terrahawks. probably aged 100 years due excessive drug taking and have a cackling insanity. After they get their hard drugs from Mayhew Court, a place that could represent Puss filled Boils on a Man’s Penis. Which is in Kempston (Jerk Quarter Village or commonly known as The Village of the Dammed). Later on, they go to work, hanging around street corners Swinging their handbags at potential customers. (This could be classed as Necrophilia). Rule Number Two, “Flies spread disease. Keep yours closed!!!”
And finally Rule Number Three. “If you visit Bedford make sure it’s during the day and it’s in the actual shopping area.These are no go zones for the Zombies/ Crazies that I have mentioned”. If you decide to go in the no go areas, Rule Number Four. I recommend you go in Rambo style. Always have back up, when you need out. And finally pre-plan your route. It could save your life.

There are very nosey neighbours in the in a hostile parts of Kempston and Bedford, the neighbours, where I live, have full time job in parking their noses into everything and everyone. There is a climate of fear and apprehension. It’s like walking on eggshells. It’s like Stalinist Russia.

Wootton is home to the Wicked Witch of the West. Wootton is less exciting as a Hog’s Vagina. Sometimes on a cloudless, night especially when its the Full Moon. You could here the sound of wailing Banshees in the distance. It’s her army of Flying Monkeys flying over like a plague of Locusts. It not wise to venture out of your comfort zone, when this is going on. You could die.

Bedford had been a hotbed of strange UFO sightings, for the last 30 years or so. It is not surprising that some of the inhabitants of Bedford could be from a different planet. That means anybody that you meet in the street could be from Tau Ceti or Wherever. Sometimes you meet evil souls, (You have to pity them), especially the alcohol and drug crazed Aliens are from Guk. You can’t always tell from exterior appearances. Most have jobs or could be unemployed, or work in your local employment Hubs. The unemployed are not so lucky, they try to seek employment, or want out of this strange forsaken place.